19 year old son.

Why is there not a book on how to feel about your 19 year old son?  If there was such a book it would tell me that it is okay to not like my son's attitude, life choices, clothing choices and facial hair that looks like pubic hair choices.  It would tell me that when he has matured, I will love him so much and be so proud of him.  It would tell me that I am being a good mom and he will look back on his life with mom with love and appreciation.  This book would tell me that it is okay to want him to be 3 years old again so I can hold him, listen to his little voice and I would fix the mistakes I made the first time raising him.  I would learn that there is a 12 step group for moms of 19 year olds and we would gather and share stories.  We would commiserate and cry and support each other.   And then we would also share the love we have for our children, the amazing things they have done and how their hearts are full of kindness and love.  But that they just don't know what to do next and listening to mom and dad is too difficult for a 19 year old.

I love my son.  No one told me how wonderful and difficult being a mom would be.