Sunday, January 10, 2016

I am not tolerated....?

I am a Wooer.  This means that "people who are especially talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connecting with another person."  (StrengthsFinders 2.0)

This said, I have learned that some people don't like me or are intimidated by me.  This was hard to learn because I am a Wooer.  However, there are some people that I don't like for various reasons so why should everyone have to like me.  (Well, because I am a Wooer.)  

Case in point:  I need to be kind to the woman at work who loathes me, but I can understand that she has a completely different personality than mine. I do not need to woo her.  I have learned that she is not interested in me and so I am just kind and silent.  By the way, I teared up and told her that I understood why she was so upset with me about stepping on her toes when I got the job and that I didn't know how she could ever forgive me for anything I had ever done to her.  She got her power back.  I don't get complained about.  She will probably always be upset that I put pens and paper clips out for the staff to use, but that is now her issue, not mine.

An interesting thing is happening at church.  A woman who moved in more than a year ago is treating me like I am intolerable.  She has never said anything rude to me.  She ignores me.  She will not make eye contact with me.  

At Christmastime, I was asked to sing in a octet at church.  I am an alto.  I really don't have any training, but can achieve okayness if next to someone else who can sing the alto part.  At the first practice I attended, I sat next to her, said hello and was ignored.  She talked and laughed with the sopranos, but when we were signing, she put her finger in her ear closest to me.  I thought, "Okay.  Maybe it is all in my mind."

The next practice, same thing.  The final practice, exact same thing.  Like I wasn't even there.  Hmmmmm.  So, I thought, this woman detests me, but it is just a theory.

Today at church I tested out my detestation theory.  She was having a conversation with a friend of mine and I walked up and stood a bit away from their conversation, but was within the area of at least a look to acknowledge my presence.  NOTHING.  I was not there.  

I learned this:  If the person is consistently turning around from you, then that means your presence is not desired or tolerated.

I am not desired OR tolerated by this woman.  Interesting.  Part of me wants to feel slighted and hurt.  Another part of me thinks it is humerous.  

It has got me thinking:  have I ever done this to someone?  Most likely.  Am I going to try to not do it in the future?  Most likely.  And since I can't go back and apologize to anyone I may have done this to, I will apologize now.  I am so sorry if I did this and will try to not do it to anyone else.

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